Pull me out from inside ...

I can't even think of a poetic metaphor for how I'm feeling right now. I suppose I have no choice but to be completely blunt:

I'm scared.
I'm lonely.
I'm heartbroken.
I'm depressed.

Complacency, it can be so vicious ...

Those lyrics contain a truth so simple and yet so dangerously ignored.

I want to post something amazingly informative. I want to write something incredible. But I'm just so worn out ... words hurt now. I've talked for a month and a half now. I've written for a month and a half. I've talked to everyone I can think of about everything that seemed to matter.

The problem is that talking just doesn't change the past. It can't fix anything. It can keep you from making mistakes again, but it doesn't fix the ones you already made. And that's what's bothering me; I can't fix anything that's been broken.

I'm building new things in place of what was lost; and though great things have come in the form of these new constructs, nothing I've created has yet filled that emptiness in my heart. It's painful and I can't make it go away.

It was so right
It was so wrong
Almost at the same time
The pain and ache
A heart can take
No one really knows
But when the memories cling and take you there
Till you no longer care
You can let go now

It's not right for me
To cling to you
Somehow I just needed time
From what was to be
It's not like me
To hold somebody down
But I was tossed high by love
Almost never came down
Only to land
Where no love is found
And I'm no longer bound
I can let go now


I've landed, but why can't I let go?