Complacency, It Can Be So Vicious

I believe I may have used that before in a title. However, the depth and meaning of that has finally hit me. When you spend a lot of time happy or unhappy, you become complacent and allow life to roll over you - sometimes with the force of a tsunami. Instead of riding each wave - the ups and the downs, both - you get caught in it. You start to sink into the vicious indifference of the day-to-day.

I have taken a great deal of the last three years for granted. I've been stressed out over school, films, my future, and haven't taken the opportunity to invest myself into the things that were really important - myself, my relationship, my friends. I have been drowning for a while in that dark waters of indifference.

What I've come to realize is that time, being what it is, doesn't stand still. You need to catch each moment and respect it for what it is and what it brings. If you're looking to the future - where I've been looking for far too long - you miss the now.

And that sounds so simple. It's sounds "last-five-minutes-of-television-sitcom" simple. But it's ... wow. The magnitude of this realization has left me stunned. If I have been unhappy in the past few years, it's not because I am in an unhappy situation - it's because I've let myself become unhappy. I've sabotaged my own joy.

I keep asking for a happy ending to this episode, but what I haven't been able to grasp until recently is that I should be asking for a happy beginning. Whatever happens next, I have to ride it out instead of sinking into it.