Pedagogue
I feel bad that so many people get caught in the situation I'm in now. It sucks when a relationship ends. I felt that instead of retaining my knowledge of what I could have done right (beyond simply focusing on what went wrong), I would share it with people who are in new relationships - or the 20th relationship that's still going wrong. As I see it, there are 4 ...
Relationship Rules:
1. Be Honest. No, you shouldn't keep that secret. Yes, it might hurt their feelings to know, but they have the right to know. No, it's not better for you to just live with the guilt. Yes, eventually it will come out and it will be worse if you didn't tell them right away.
2. Be Open. Talk about the things that bother you. Talk about the things you want. Talk about everything. You can't solve problems you don't discuss and you can't do potentially fun things you don't suggest.
3. Be Forgiving. You're gonna fuck up. They're gonna fuck up. It happens. Shit happens. Get over it. If you care about someone - I mean really love them - then you'll get past any problem you encounter. But you've gotta be willing to forgive. Believe me, when it comes your turn to seek forgiveness, you'll be glad you didn't hold their misdeed against them.
4. Be Happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. It's the most basic need of every human being. Enjoy what you have and don't take it for granted. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate something while you have it. If something makes you unhappy, refer to Rule #2. If you don't talk about why you're unhappy, then you can't fix the problem ... and you'll be unhappy until a change comes about in a more drastic - and possibly negative - way.
It's pretty simple really. Open communication, understanding, and appreciation sustain you throughout the duration of your relationship - from the beginning to eternity (because it should never end). You have to be willing to make it work; it's not easy, it takes effort. Don't give up; don't call it quits. If it legitimately isn't working after you've tried everything suggested above, then perhaps it wasn't meant to be.
But if you don't try and you opt simply to end it, that's not doing the right thing ... that's quitting. And quitters never win. Eventually you're gonna have to make the effort with someone - might as well start making the effort sooner, rather than later. You'll be glad you did.
Relationship Rules:
1. Be Honest. No, you shouldn't keep that secret. Yes, it might hurt their feelings to know, but they have the right to know. No, it's not better for you to just live with the guilt. Yes, eventually it will come out and it will be worse if you didn't tell them right away.
2. Be Open. Talk about the things that bother you. Talk about the things you want. Talk about everything. You can't solve problems you don't discuss and you can't do potentially fun things you don't suggest.
3. Be Forgiving. You're gonna fuck up. They're gonna fuck up. It happens. Shit happens. Get over it. If you care about someone - I mean really love them - then you'll get past any problem you encounter. But you've gotta be willing to forgive. Believe me, when it comes your turn to seek forgiveness, you'll be glad you didn't hold their misdeed against them.
4. Be Happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. It's the most basic need of every human being. Enjoy what you have and don't take it for granted. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate something while you have it. If something makes you unhappy, refer to Rule #2. If you don't talk about why you're unhappy, then you can't fix the problem ... and you'll be unhappy until a change comes about in a more drastic - and possibly negative - way.
It's pretty simple really. Open communication, understanding, and appreciation sustain you throughout the duration of your relationship - from the beginning to eternity (because it should never end). You have to be willing to make it work; it's not easy, it takes effort. Don't give up; don't call it quits. If it legitimately isn't working after you've tried everything suggested above, then perhaps it wasn't meant to be.
But if you don't try and you opt simply to end it, that's not doing the right thing ... that's quitting. And quitters never win. Eventually you're gonna have to make the effort with someone - might as well start making the effort sooner, rather than later. You'll be glad you did.
posted by Dave at 12:55:00 AM
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