Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart
The title of the post has nothing to do with the post. It's the title to a song, apparently, and I just liked it.
I wish I were more of a poet. I wish my words had more romance and soul to them. Sometimes, I feel that I have things to say, and though I may be eloquent (or not, I don't presume to think I'm a fantastic writer) at times, I feel that, on the whole, my words fall short in conveying the thoughts and feelings contained within.
Tonight was both painful and joyous for me, as has been the past three weeks. It's difficult for me to balance these competing emotions. I strive for balance because it's not healthy or safe to lock up one or the other. Nor is it appropriate to allow both to run free, sabotaging your efforts to grow as a person. Balance and harmony are the best route. But that doesn't mean it's easy - not by a long shot.
It was tonight that I was finally clued in to what the situation around me really looked like. I have misinterpreted things and that left me clutching with some modicum of desperation at the remaining relics of an era that has since passed. Like the Old Man who does not see that his time has expired and he is expected to conform to the laws of the New World, I just didn't realize that, from where I was standing, I was not going to be moving forward any time soon.
Thankfully, open lines of communication - improving lines of communication - helped me to understand that what was replacing the last era was not something seeking to wipe out any memory of that time; it is simply the next step, an evolution of my life into something newer, different, and, ultimately, more challenging. Already, I have benefited from the growth of a positive and strong friendship - merely using the term "friendship" really decries the value of the actual relationship. Though not resembling the form that it had taken in the previous era, this relationship is much stronger and, hopefully, more resolute in its intention to align its two souls.
I have for a long time feared change. I feel comfortable and secure when wrapped in the familiar. A certain type of companionship eases my fears. But now, I realize that, to truly face those fears, I need to do it on my own. Dependency is not the goal of this new relationship; inevitably, if it becomes something more than what it is now, interdependency (a much healthier form of symbiosis) is what will come from the seeds of these types of friendships.
That is not an expectation so much as it is a hope. (That, I felt, should be emphasized, so as not to leave anyone confused)
I value this relationship with this person a great deal. It is, so far, the most fulfilling friendship I have had in a long time (perhaps ever). But it would be nice to have more of them - even just a few. Already, there are two people with whom I am certain that I could have this type of relationship with. If I am indeed correct, those two people know who they are and will continue to strive to achieve that goal.
We each weave in our lifetime a great web that represents our relationships that we have formed. Some of the strands in this web will be stronger than others. Some will break with time; others will endure. But we must recognize that the web itself represents our legacy on this earth. It is that which we leave behind, our connections to other people. I would hope that every person would try to weave a large, beautiful, strong web to leave behind, even if the strands are few. Everyone deserves that legacy; it's part of their being human - the right to fulfilling relationships.
Tonight served to remind me that I am not alone, but simply haven't been looking to the people who make up the strands of my web. An old strand - a weak strand - in my web was broken tonight and it was replaced by the strongest length of the most beautiful silk I have ever known. Having finally seen this, I feel secure in the knowledge that I really do have people who support and love me, trusting that they'll catch me if ever I fall.
Thank you, Jay, for being the strongest strand and for inadvertently reminding me of all the other ones in my web.
I wish I were more of a poet. I wish my words had more romance and soul to them. Sometimes, I feel that I have things to say, and though I may be eloquent (or not, I don't presume to think I'm a fantastic writer) at times, I feel that, on the whole, my words fall short in conveying the thoughts and feelings contained within.
Tonight was both painful and joyous for me, as has been the past three weeks. It's difficult for me to balance these competing emotions. I strive for balance because it's not healthy or safe to lock up one or the other. Nor is it appropriate to allow both to run free, sabotaging your efforts to grow as a person. Balance and harmony are the best route. But that doesn't mean it's easy - not by a long shot.
It was tonight that I was finally clued in to what the situation around me really looked like. I have misinterpreted things and that left me clutching with some modicum of desperation at the remaining relics of an era that has since passed. Like the Old Man who does not see that his time has expired and he is expected to conform to the laws of the New World, I just didn't realize that, from where I was standing, I was not going to be moving forward any time soon.
Thankfully, open lines of communication - improving lines of communication - helped me to understand that what was replacing the last era was not something seeking to wipe out any memory of that time; it is simply the next step, an evolution of my life into something newer, different, and, ultimately, more challenging. Already, I have benefited from the growth of a positive and strong friendship - merely using the term "friendship" really decries the value of the actual relationship. Though not resembling the form that it had taken in the previous era, this relationship is much stronger and, hopefully, more resolute in its intention to align its two souls.
I have for a long time feared change. I feel comfortable and secure when wrapped in the familiar. A certain type of companionship eases my fears. But now, I realize that, to truly face those fears, I need to do it on my own. Dependency is not the goal of this new relationship; inevitably, if it becomes something more than what it is now, interdependency (a much healthier form of symbiosis) is what will come from the seeds of these types of friendships.
That is not an expectation so much as it is a hope. (That, I felt, should be emphasized, so as not to leave anyone confused)
I value this relationship with this person a great deal. It is, so far, the most fulfilling friendship I have had in a long time (perhaps ever). But it would be nice to have more of them - even just a few. Already, there are two people with whom I am certain that I could have this type of relationship with. If I am indeed correct, those two people know who they are and will continue to strive to achieve that goal.
We each weave in our lifetime a great web that represents our relationships that we have formed. Some of the strands in this web will be stronger than others. Some will break with time; others will endure. But we must recognize that the web itself represents our legacy on this earth. It is that which we leave behind, our connections to other people. I would hope that every person would try to weave a large, beautiful, strong web to leave behind, even if the strands are few. Everyone deserves that legacy; it's part of their being human - the right to fulfilling relationships.
Tonight served to remind me that I am not alone, but simply haven't been looking to the people who make up the strands of my web. An old strand - a weak strand - in my web was broken tonight and it was replaced by the strongest length of the most beautiful silk I have ever known. Having finally seen this, I feel secure in the knowledge that I really do have people who support and love me, trusting that they'll catch me if ever I fall.
Thank you, Jay, for being the strongest strand and for inadvertently reminding me of all the other ones in my web.
posted by Dave at 12:33:00 AM
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