My Freud Inventory Test Results

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (46%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own. Anal (66%) you appear to be overly self controlled, organized, and possibly subservient to authority, this effectively narrows your exposure to a wider set of options and ideas lowering the odds that you will make the best decisions in life. Phallic (76%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity. Latency (36%) you appear to be overly practical; don't undervalue abstract learning, abstract learning increases your ability to make good decisions (and predictions) in the real world so it would be 'impractical' to shun it. Genital (36%) you appear to have a conventional, closeminded, and regressive outlook on life. Change is an inevitable and positive part of life, learn to contribute to it, not fear it or oppose it

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It Never Ends, Does It?

So, I am at that point in the summer in which I completely tense up and freak out about everything. JJ and I haven't found an apartment, I don't have the money to make a security deposit even if we did find one, and I am just a bit short on the rent for next month. Financial Aid is still keeping me out of the loop on the progress with my aid awards and loan status, and I can't for the life of me think of how to continue the script I'm working on.

I've tried several exercises, like taking a chapter or a scene from a book and re-writing it as a section of a screenplay and sitting down at the laptop and writing short scenes revolving around the first item or object that comes to mind (the first one I wrote was about a steak - a poisoned steak!). These are all good and well to get practice at writing, but it really hasn't gotten my creative juices flowing in terms of writing the screenplay for my advanced project.

At the moment, the best thing going for me is that tonight, after the Trainer meeting at work, I'll begin my bartender training, which will continue tomorrow morning, and hopefully culminate with my being fully trained to tend bar by the end of next work week (next Wednesday). I'm only hanging on here because I need the money with some modicum of desperation. As soon as I can find something better, I may be inclined to take the opportunity and jump ship to a higher-paying job. For now, though, we'll see what we can do and take it one day at a time - as though time comes any other way ....

Long Terms of Nothing

It seems like every time I come to write here, it's more and more simply because I feel compelled to leave something behind. The honest truth is that there is very little to write about as of late ... I spend a lot of time at work, and the rest of it either reading or writing. And the writing has become so excruciatingly slow that I can't even come back to declare progress any more frequently than this.

As it stands, I've spent two years trying to rework this particular idea into a good screenplay, and I've spent two years failing. I'm no closer to having a ready-to-shoot draft than I was when I first conceived of the story.

I remember struggling initially to turn the idea into a six-page short story - it was just so long that I didn't think I'd ever cut it down to six pages. Thanks to a great deal of help from Julee, I managed to achieve that goal. Now, however, I seem to be stuck trying to expand the six-page short story into a 20-page short film. Again, I just feel that it needs to be so much longer.

Having worked on this project for so long, and having endured the heartbreak of completely scrapping idea-after-idea-after-idea, I realize that this project is very important to me. I have to finish it, but I can't rush it. So, with that in mind, I'm in a shitty situation between a rock and a hard place - I want to be done with this confounded monkey on my back, yet I want to be sure that when we go to film, I have the right screenplay in hand.

---------

I finished the sixth Harry Potter book last night. A few people at work have finished it, too. We discussed it in vague terms as several other servers haven't yet finished. A typical portion of a given conversation sounded like this:

ME: So, I can't believe what happened to that person, you know?
SERVER 1: I know! It's just so sad.
SERVER 2: It was just such a surprise, really.
ME: I didn't think so ... I kinda figured that was going to happen.
SERVER 1: Yeah ...
SERVER 2: Yeah.

OR, things went like this:

SERVER 1: LEVICORPUS!
ME: SECTUMSEMPRA!
SERVER 1: Cheating bastard.
ME: Avada kedavra?
SERVER 1 walks away.

Dorky, true, but that's that.

MUSIC: iPod - mostly John Williams' scores (Harry Potter).
MOVIES: Harry Potter (SS, CoS, PoA)
BOOKS: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ... noticing a trend?
GAMES: MVP 2005 ... O's leading the AL East

Hollywood Hot Air

And finally, I must speak out about the "slump" at the box office. I've read several Doom & Gloom articles about how horribly the box office is suffering this year, despite highly anticipated films such as Star Wars Episode III, Batman Begins and War of the Worlds. I am going to quote an article in Variety today that simply confounds the issue so much by dragging it through the muddy waters of industry performance measurements that one could go blind or suffer an aneurysm (or the latter first, leading to the former) after reading it.

"Thanks to a potent first quarter that has offset a weak summer, the majors and mini-majors, have taken in $4.333 billion at the domestic box office. Through the same point in 2004, their receipts had amounted to $4.301 billion."

Starts out simple enough, right? What an English teacher would conclude after reading this sentence is that a good box office total in the first three months of the year has balanced out a slow box office in the next three months of the year. In fact, domestically, the box office brought in 33 million dollars more than they had last year to the same point.
"So, why is total box office down for the year? Look at the indies. Last year, because of the runaway success of "The Passion of the Christ" and "Fahrenheit 9/11," independent distribs took in $633 million through the second weekend of July. This year, without a blockbuster to match those titles, the sector has grossed $189 million, a difference of more than $440 million."

Here's where things start to get murky. Now they're talking about independent distributors - not the major studios. They're talking about two films that were super-hyped, had great word-of-mouth and opened in an election year - great for both conservative Christians (Passion) and the ultra liberals (Fahrenheit). What they're talking about are two fluke films - neither was expected to do so well. They far surpassed expectations for indie pics. And yet, here in this article, Variety seems to expect that, since those two films were successful, all independent films should now do so well. What would be interesting would be to see what the indie market made in 2003 - I'd imagine the numbers are probably similar to this year.

That shortfall is the sole explanation for why this year's box office is trailing 2004 by 8.4% or $4.522 billion to $4.934 billion.

Sooo ... without any explanation whatsoever as to whether the initial numbers they [made up? - ed.] cited, now we're talking about a difference of $4.522 billion this year to $4.934 billion last year. I'm not sure if we're talking about cumulative B.O. including foreign earnings in addition to domestic, or if they're making a distinction between major studios and majors studios plus indie distributors. Either way, we're still doing fine in terms of domestic B.O., and in fact are up against last year.

"The weekend-to-weekend comparison has never been the best measure of box office strength (during the so-called "slump" there have actually been several weeks, for instance, where 2005 has outpaced 2004), but the streak has been the basis for many cavalier pronouncements that Americans were no longer interested in going to the movie theater."

Again, the writer points out that there are multiple instances of this year doing as well or better than last year. However, it's worth pointing out that if we're off the mark for the year, we have a few colossal failures, including Kingdom of Heaven.

"And as far as the studios are concerned, this will be largely a summer to forget. Last year, on the backs of huge franchise sequels like "Shrek 2," "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and "Spider-Man 2," the summer set a record, with the majors taking in $2.15 billion through this point. So far this summer their titles have grossed $1.9 billion. (Majors include 20th Century Fox, Warner Bros., Sony, Paramount, Universal and Walt Disney, DreamWorks, MGM and New Line and their subsidiaries.)"

So ... apparently the difference of $250 million will make this year forgettable in terms of major releases - like, you know, the last Star Wars film EVER and the critically acclaimed revamp of a major Warner Bros film franchise (Batman Begins). Honestly, industry analysts strike me as the dumbest people on the face of the earth.

When asked to find reasons for why the box office "slump" is occurring, the fingers always seem to point to "New technologies" and "Digital piracy." Apparently, enough people find watching low-quality, compressed images their computers (or, without the benefit of surround sound, on their televisions) to be enjoyable enough to forgo the theatre experience. Also, televisions and home stereos make for more enjoyable movie-watching environments than giant screens and a lively audience.

That's bullshit. There is nothing better than being in a good crowd to see a great film on a huge screen. The only thing preventing people from truly wanting to see films in theatres is the cost of going. It has become prohibitive. The national average for ticket prices is $6.50 ... the average cost in a major metropolitan area such as New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Boston or Baltimore? $10. A bulk of the box office comes from major cities - where ticket costs are higher. So they look at the national average and say, "Can't be prices, those are just fine,".

Uhhh, Update?

I'm sorry that there hasn't been much activity here as of late - there's really nothing new to report. I'd tell you all about the bartending fiasco, but that would be done at the risk of one of the managers reading it - somehow, I'm under the impression that they have nothing better to do than try to find out what the servers say about them outside of work ... cause I'm paranoid like that. In short, one of the Mighty Four decided I don't do enough when I'm working - because apparently he/she has mistaken me for, oh say, uh ... A BUSSER or one of the more lax servers at our restaurant.

*sigh*

Whatever. I've been informed that the opinion is surely not unanimous among the Mighty Four, so the issue shouldn't continue beyond the next week. And hope, for fuck's sake, that my ally in the upper echelons is right - I really, really fucking need the money that bartending would bring in. And I need the experience that bartending would earn me.

*sigh ... again*

Kent came over yesterday and helped unseal me from the mental box I've trapped myself in while attempting to revise my screenplay. We found a new structure that seems to work well - in theory. And we changed the tone slightly ... and the focus. Really, the concept and the names are all that are the same from the last few drafts to this one - and loosely the story. I've added his name to the writing credits, as his help was immeasurably beneficial to the process and I'm certain I wouldn't have a new draft for another several weeks if he hadn't come over to lend his assistance. As it stands, I really should go do some writing now.

Godspeed, Friends!

Charles Schultz' Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and
actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Acheivements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)

Remembrance

The Time Is Now

If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow.

Love me now
While I am living,
Do not wait until I'm gone
And then have it chiseled in marble,
Sweet words on ice-cold stone.

If you have tender thoughts of me,
Please tell me now,
If you wait until I am sleeping,
Never to awaken,
There will be death between us,
And I won't hear you then.

So, if you love me, even a little bit,
Let me know it while I am living
So I can treasure it.