My college life will soon be coming to an end. I will finish the semester in about three weeks and, my incomplete work aside, my four years of higher education will be over. Other people - many other people - seem to find the end of college to be a sad experience, apparently; most likely because they're leaving behind their fun days and spring breaks.
I will be disappointed for one reason: college has been an unfulfilling experience for me on the whole.
I have missed out on countless dorm parties, Cancun spring breaks, drunken nakedness and photoblogs appearing several semesters after the fact showing that, at some point, I painted myself in school colors and ran around campus naked. To be quite honest, I'm bitterly disappointed about this.
I commuted to Towson for the year and a half I was there. The only year that I dormed at NYU was the first year after I transferred and I have since lived off-campus ... off-campus and not in Manhattan. I spent my entire time at Towson trying to get to NYU and the entire time at NYU trying to concentrate on making films that would get me to Hollywood. I never once realized that I was passing up uncounted opportunities to enjoy college like normal people do.
I've tried to assuage the grief of the loss of a potential social life by telling myself that my inability to defocus from my work was all for the better - that my efforts would lead to my being "successful" in my chosen career of filmmaking. But that can't be true because I've made, to date, zero films of any true value.
If I freak out as the semester draws near, it's not because I long for those good times in my freshman year; it's because I never had those good times, and I will carry with me no fond memories of drunken adventures and crazy vacations.
I feel as I have always felt - an outsider who either isn't invited to the party or doesn't have fun while he's there.
I've never been one to pass up an opportunity to offer my own sage advice to people younger than myself, so I obviously have to make this comment to those who might read this post and think little of it:
College is supposed to be a place to grow, intellectually and socially ... it's your own choice whether or not you do.
College is a time to find yourself ... it's your own choice whether or not to look for yourself.
College is supposed to be fun ... it's your own choice whether or not it is.
